We’ve got to go to the grocery store. Yuck. I told the girls that we would go to the store and then watch our new copy of The Little Mermaid.
8:15am. Claire “Mama, help me get dressed”
Me “Can’t you just dress yourself?” She always dresses herself.
Claire, looking pitiful and doing the eye-batting thing at me “No Mama. I need you” Her little hands patted my face pleadingly.
Ugh. So I caved and laid out an outfit for her. When I started to dress her she threw an elbow at me. “Stop it. I do it myself”
Fine. Whatever. Just get dressed. I don’t even care, just put CLOTHES on your body already.
8:30am Caroline’s turn.”MommmEeeee! I can’t find any pantssssss. Can you come hellppp mee??!”
Me (ohmygosh why can’t they put clothes on this morning?) “Ok Caroline”
I get to her room, where every dresser drawer is open and clothes are strewn about. It looks like my room used to whe I was going on a date during college. But Caroline is not in college, and she is NOT going on a date…So I made her pick it up.
She picked each piece up painstakingly slow, knowing I am in a hurry. I caught her giving me a smirky-smug side eye.
9:00am I didn’t lose it and shout at her. Good job me. I must reward myself for that. Brownies during naptime maybe? It’s a date.
I then found her some pants, and laid out and outfit for her. Which she didn’t like.
Her majesty does not feel like wearing purple today.
Her majesty doesn’t like the fabric in that shirt.
Her majesty doesn’t feel like that outfit “makes her look fabulous”
Her majesty does NOT wear stained socks. (Her majesty rolled her eyes with hand on hip at this point. Obviously I should know this.)
OBVIOUSLY Her Majesty does not know how dangerous eyerolling is to her social calendar.
Stifling a crazed scream, and the strong urge to pick out the worst-most-stained-and-scratchy outfits possible and force her to wear that, I took a deep breath and walked out.
Pretending to be an adult “Ok, please pick out your own clothes. I’m getting myself dressed.”
I passed Claire in the hallway. WEARING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT OUTFIT. And like 10 hair clips which she screamed bloody murder when I tried to remove a few. So I left them in.
It’s little wonder that I’m crazy.
9:30am (An HOUR and FIFTEEN MINUTES after we started) Both girls flounced in to where I was feebly trying to dress myself.
“We READY!” Claire announced with her arms flung wide for dramatic effect…Quite similar in style to a circus ringmaster
Caroline had a turn, her style more regal and composed. “Yes. We are dressed. We are ready to go grocery shopping and then watch the Little Mermaid and YOU (she puncuated this with a finger to my chest) can make us popcorn ”
Oh no she didn’t.
Me. “Well, it’s taken you much too long to get dressed. We have to go to the store, but I don’t think we have time now to watch a movie”
BOOM. Trump that kid.
Two sets of eyes widened. Two little mouths quivered.
Ok now it’s no fun anymore.
Claire squeaked out “Maybe after nap then?”
Me, feigning unconcern “We will have to see how you behave at the store”
Y’all pray for me.